Time Out

A few minutes ago Ava needed a trip to time out for throwing toys in Baylor’s water bowl. When I told her that she had to go to time out she squealed in the most excited of voices “TIME OUT,” bolted with a huge smile to her designated time out corner and then proceeded to lick my drywall and giggle for the next few minutes. I had a really hard time looking and sounding serious while trying not laugh at her enthusiastic self-discipline. So I am back to trying to find a new time out place that hopefully she will not eagerly put herself in.

My little peanut

Oh what a day! We made a trip to the allergist this morning and confirmed that Ava is allergic to peanuts. Our doctor had advised that we steer clear of all peanut products due to a hive outbreak when she was 12 months. She had a sip of a shake that had peanut butter in it. We planned to stay peanut free and test her when she was a bit older. But due to two more reactions I knew that I wanted to know for sure and have an epipen if she indeed was allergic. This next sentence is hard to write because I feel like mom of the year with two peanut exposures being on my watch. Okay, here goes….Ava has had three accidental exposures to very small amounts of peanut butter which resulted in hives and the most recent time a bit of swelling in her mouth. I booked it to the ER when her tongue started to swell (thankfully the ER is less than one minute away from our house). The swelling went down as soon as we arrived and she was breathing just fine. I was relieved but worried and didn’t want to feel unprepared again.

At the allergist she had the prick test where the doctor put a small dose of peanut protein into her back and then we had a fifteen minute wait to see if she had a reaction (a positive allergy would result in swelling and redness around the prick.) I already guessed it would be positive because of the hives in the past but it was so sad watching her poor little back puff up. She kept trying to scratch the bump and we learned the new word “itchy.” She kept saying “hold me mommy, itchy.” All this to say it is a scary thing for us! I am going to be informed and responsible but at the same time I have to stop and trust the Lord for peace because this allergy makes me feel a bit helpless as a mom. I’ve already thought about how many times I won’t be right beside her as she grows up and had to battle the guilt that two exposures happened on my watch. I’m sure all moms have gone through the process my mind took me through in those fifteen minutes of staring at her sweat little back with the ever swelling peanut prick. I first thought about leaving her with a babysitter, and then the church nursery, would they forget and she would accidently be given something with peanuts or swipe some toddler’s peanut butter cracker? Would people take my concerns seriously or just think I am an overprotective mother suffering from mommy hypochondria? Then I thought about sending her to school and birthday parties. I’d already written up my warning speech in a matter of minutes in my head to every adult I would leave her with. Then I thought about if she went to summer camp far away from a hospital, finally what about when she goes off to college on her own. Will she always remember to bring her epipen with her? I won’t be there to remind her or watch out for her. And here I came back to a place I once was she was first born. I kept thinking, if we can get to her first birthday then I’ll have peace… she will have had vaccinations, SIDS risk would be down.. yes, one year and then I can relax. I then remembered when I was pregnant with her and thought if I can just get to 12 weeks, then I can relax… followed by after the birth when I can just hold her in my arms then I’ll trust everything is okay. So here I was back again with my milestones. God gave me peace in my heart that day when she was a baby. He reminded me that Ava is HIS child and he is her loving father. No matter what may happen in this life, he has her precious soul in his loving arms and loves her even more than I do! I don’t know if I’ll ever get my mind around that one but I know it it true because God is love! I’m sure as a parent I will have to remind myself of this promise many times in the future. From Ava’s first day at school to her first drive as a teenager alone in a car, and then finally leaving our care and being off on her own. Such PEACE from the Lord to know she is HIS. I pray that Ava has a long, blessed life but I know even after I say goodbye here in this life I will have an eternity with my precious child, what JOY. I am thankful for this truth, promise, and hope through my trust in Jesus. I know the way I am digesting this news may seem a little extreme but I am a mom and can’t help but experience anything but the deepest feelings when learning of something that may endanger my sweetie.

So here is a bit on the facts. She has never been exposed to a significant dose of peanuts but the doctor said that food allergies are very unpredictable and that one exposure may result in hives and the next in an airway closure. I don’t want to dwell on scenarios that have not even happened like Ava going off to college and having an allergic reaction but you better BELIEVE I am going to be the most cautious and prepared mom I can be! We are armed with four epipens. One will stay in her diaper bag, one in my purse, one at my parents house, and one at the church nursery. I learned how to use it today and have practice pens to train everyone else. The doctor did a great job of explaining when to use it. If there is any swelling (especially tongue or mouth) to go ahead and give her the injection followed up by a trip to the ER to monitor her. Sometimes people will need an additional dose of epinephrine on top of the epipen. He even went as far to clarify that if I am debating whether or not to use the epipen then I should. If she just has hives with no swelling or changes in breathing then I can stick with an antihistamine. Here is the bottom line though: NO PEANUTS, NO PEANUT BUTTER, I’m not even going to eat a PB&J and kiss her! The last peanut scare happened because she took a peanut butter dog treat from Baylor and and licked it. I was across the room and didn’t get to her in time, in split second it the treat was on her lips. Peanuts are in so many foods, even dog foods, and Ava moves fast; therefore, peanuts are now banned at this house. I was surprised to learn that foods cooked in peanut oil are okay, as long as it is not an imported peanut oil. I now have a new view on people with peanut allergies. My mom and I were out with one of her friends years ago who had a severe peanut allergy. She accidentally had a bite of cheesecake with one nut at lunch and completely freaked out, verging on a panic attack. I remember she immediately started swelling and used antihistamine she had in her purse. In my teenage mind I was thinking “lady, so dramatic, it was one little nut, you are a nut for going crazy in public!” Oh Gina, how my heart has softened. So my sweet girl will be the kid at the birthday parties with the big red NO PEANUTS sticker on her back. I’ll be “that mom" using a megaphone to tell every adult she’s entrusted with about her allergy and training them how to use epipens. Oh Ava is going to just love me, I can already hear my persistent voice “Do you have your pen? Check the ingredients!” as she is trying to leave the house for school or a date (AHHHH, for that d-word) But even then I will have to come back to the Lord’s promise for my child and I know he will happily supply me with the peace I need as a mother.